Dear Professor Blackstone,
I would like to take this opportunity to formally introduce
myself so that you know me better. My name is Roland Lau, a student from
your effective communication module. In the letter, I will reflect on my
educational background, field of interest in this civil engineering programme,
communication strength, weakness and the goals I want to achieve by
the end of this module.
I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) with a diploma in electronic, computer and communication engineering in the year of 2015. Thereafter, furthering my studies in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT)
majoring in civil engineering. Changing my field of study from an electronic
background to a civil engineering background was a drastic change. It all happened
during my final semester in polytechnic where I was specialized in green technology. Through that particular semester, my interest was driven away and
mesmerized by the beautiful buildings in Singapore. From then on, I had decided
to pursue a degree in Civil Engineering. In addition, I thought that Civil Engineering was a growing industry.
Through a few leadership courses that I went through, I got to understand myself better. It was when I realised one of the key
strengths I have in communications is that I am able to project and deliver my
content well. However, my greatest strength is also my weakness. When I talk
too much, I also need to listen.
My goals for this module are to improve active listening and
writing communication skills as I believe that communication is the key aspect
to success. I hope that I am able to attain the skills of communication so as
to boost my confidence level which will greatly benefit me in near future.
Thank you for your time and I look forward to attending your
lectures.
Best regards,
Roland Lau
Revised on 310118
Commented on: Jean , Colin , Gordon
Revised on 310118
Commented on: Jean , Colin , Gordon
Dear Roland,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this detailed letter. You cover all the requirements of the assignment, and you are open about your communication needs. I appreciate such honesty.
In terms of content, this phrase seems a bit odd since the letter is quite short: Later in the letter....
Other language issues to note are:
1) sentence structure
-- to formally introduce myself so as to know each other better. >>> (meaning/phrasing) to formally introduce myself so that you know me better.
-- Finally, the goals I want to achieve by the end of this module. >>> (fragment)
-- Thereafter, further my studies in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) majoring in Civil Engineering. >>> (fragment)
-- As I believe that communication is the key aspect to success.
2) capitalization
-- a diploma in Electronic, Computer and Communication Engineering
-- majoring in Civil Engineering.
-- in Green Technology.
3) verb usage
-- Changing my field of study from an electronic background to a civil engineering background is drastic change. >>> (tense)
-- I had decided to pursue a degree in Civil Engineering. In addition, I thought that Civil Engineering is a growing industry. >>> (tense)
-- that I had gone through, I had gotten >>> (tense) that I went through, I got...
4) plurality
-- one of the key strength
-- My goal for this module are
5) word form
-- my confident level
From what you write is is clear that you are ready to work to improve your skills. This is a great place to start.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you for taking time to look into the matter of correcting my formal letter. Your effort is greatly appreciated. Had made amendments on the suggested issues above and will take note, so as to improve myself further.
DeleteCheers,
Roland
Hi Roland,
ReplyDeleteOverall your letter is clear and concise
there is a proper salutation
However, there are a few mistakes need to take note:
1. Instead of saying Diploma in Electronic, Computer and Communication Engineering in the year of 2015
it can be diploma in electronic, computer and communication engineering in 2015.
the diploma in electronic, computer and communication engineering do not need to be capitalized since it a noun. you do not need to put in the year of 2015, simply just put in 2015 as 2015 already indicate the year.
2. My goal for this module are to improve active listening and writing communication skills.
Grammar error: this module are to improve ....
it should be this module is to improve since it is referring to one module.
Also missing on pronoun: my
My goal for this module is to improve on my active listening and writing communication skills.
Hope these comments will help you improve on your letter
Thanks
Your classmate,
Serena
Greatly appreciate your effort in spending time to look for faults in my letter. Have noted on your comments and will take note in future. Thank you.
DeleteHi Roland
ReplyDeleteThe content of your letter is clear and I feel that it is quite well structured. Some minor suggestions you could probably look into:
- I had gotten to understand myself better >> Maybe you could say “I am able to understand myself better.”
- It was when I realised … >> “It was then I realised that one of….”
- My goal for this module are to improve… >> “My goals for this module is to listen actively and improve my writing skills…”
Great job on your first post!
Cheers
Jean
Hi Jean, thank you for taking time to look into the matter of my letter. Your comments and suggestions have made me realised my mistake. Thank you for your effort!
DeleteCheers,
Roland
Hi Roland,
ReplyDeleteOverall, I feel that the introduction is clear, concise and gets straight to the point such that readers can easily comprehend.
I would suggest this part for phrasing “It was when I realised one of the key strength I have in communications is that I am able to project and deliver my content well.”. You can perhaps shorten the sentence to “This was when I realised my communication strength is projecting and delivering contents smoothly.”.
Hope my small suggestion helps.
Your classmate
Colin
Hi Colin, thank you for taking time to look into my formal letter. Your comments and suggestions are appreciated.
DeleteCheers,
Colin
Dear Roland,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your letter. It is clear and concise. I like that you made a list of things that you are going to be writing in your letter. This makes your letter organized and give people the flow of your letter.
You already have decent writing skill but it can still be brushed up with this communication course.
I hope that you can overcome your weakness of talking too much and start to listen to your surrounding.
Best regards,
Gordon
Hi Gordon,
DeleteThank you for taking time to read my formal letter. I will take note of your good feedback and will continue doing like how it is. Furthermore, thank you for having faith in me.
Cheers,
Roland